For centuries now, Krampus has been terrifying disobedient children during the festive holiday season. He started out punishing willful tots in Eastern Europe but in recent years has expanded his franchise to become a global pop cultural icon. No more memes and schlock horror films, this guy is a major talent and it’s time to move up to the big leagues, the Department of Education.
It’s no secret that Trump and his minions are intent on destroying the Department of Education, they loudly proclaim their intentions anytime a camera is near. He probably doesn’t have the wherewithal or political capital to eliminate the DOE completely, but that doesn’t mean he can’t deliver a world of hurt. To facilitate his goal of a dumber America, Trump has nominated former professional wrestling executive Linda McMahon for Secretary of Education, but if she’s going to drop the elbow on the entire department, McMahon is going to need the help of a guy like Krampus.
Krampus is all about discipline. Sure, Santa may put some naughty kids on his list and slip a chunk of coal into their stockings, but Krampus will shimmy down the chimney, stuff those disobedient little buggers into a wicker basket and secret them away to his lair for a good and thorough lashing.
This is just the kind of education reform the nation needs, because as we all know, nothing facilitates the learning process like abject terror.
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